Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
