I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
