You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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