I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
