i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
