Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
