I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
