I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
