it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
