I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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