I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
