using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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