he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dear god my vagina.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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