We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sorry about my life...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
