The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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