Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Randomize
