she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
