Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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