Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Two words: blizzard sex
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
