dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
