he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
