Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
