You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
