At least make sure they are 18
Why
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
