i can't believe i had my finger in that
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
