All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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