i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So vagazzling was a success
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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