he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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