she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
