Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
