so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
