My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
