Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
