Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
