My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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