When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
