I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
