I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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