I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
