i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
