I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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