so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
