omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
