You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
How external is "for external use only"?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
