Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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