Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
