nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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