just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
