that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
