Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
