Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
